... m Bn 66 SQUEAK A TRAMP called at a door and begged A* for food. No, certainly not, said a forbidding- looking woman. Go away at once or -fg I'll call my husband. -Jf ain't at 'ome, said the tramp. The woman gasped. How do you know she said, i Because a man who married a woman like you is only 'ome at mealtimes. APPLICANTS for the post of messenger boy were coming to the village grocer. To ...

... BWB£E 66 squeak SOME Czech soldiers on a visit to London had been studying Basic English and, on the whole, were managing pretty well. One of them went up to a policeman and said, politely fg- Please, Bobby, which watch Jg- The policeman looked puzzled for a moment and then he understood. He held out his wrist for the other to see his timepiece. Six watch 1 Such much? said the soldier, and ...

... wmit I -QU^AK THEY were discussing a certain un- defeatable and irrepressible politician. Well, summed up the smokeroom philosopher, I 'II tell you this about him. He might have typhoid and recover he -pr might have pneumonia and recover -jc he might have cerebral meningitis and recover he might have yellow fever and recover but if he ever had lockjaw, he 'd burst. In the railway carriage ...

... VUMLl 66 SQuIaK Compiled, by Jay Jay FEELING had run very high at the local football match, and at the finish there was a free fight, when bottles and stones were flung. When the supply of these ran low, lumps of turf were pulled up and used as ammunition. One man who had been in the thick of it all, had a restless night, tossing and turning. At last he got hold of his wife's hair and started ...

... mMLl 66 SQU£AK A COUNTRY innkeeper who had re ceived very little education was proud of his home-brewed beer, and to advertise it he scrawled upon a board with a piece of chalk: Try our bear, and placed it outside to attract attention. A passing wag improved the occasion bywriting underneath Ourown bruin. A* A minister was trying to help the sinners repent, and was letting them down easily. ...

... vmBLi -QU2AK kFt dear, whispered one woman, have you heard about the Harrisons Everybody is talking about them. Some are taking her part and fa some his. -fa Really said the second woman, and I suppose a few eccentric indivi duals are minding their own business IN the class, they were discussing various species of animal and insect life. I say, sir, said one student to the teacher, I ...

... WMLl k Compiled by Jay Jay ON arrival at the airport a Chinese delegate was besieged by the usual mob of reporters. One of the questions flung at him was: What strikes you as the oddest thing about Occidentals? He thought for a moment, then smiled I think, he said, smoothly, that it is the peculiar slant of their eyes. The religious speaker was expounding on the great work of the Church to ...

... ESPIONAGE A LA MODE By Bevis Winter THE last job I did for M.I. 5 put paid to a promising career in espionage-- my own. I was detailed by Colonel Moresby to retrieve the stolen plans of a new amphibious landing barge which had been undergoing modification at the Llangrysl Research Station. We had received a signal from our agent in the Middle East to the effect that he had picked up the trail ...

... IT'S A MAD. MAD WORLD! By Ronald JR. Smith HE had an air of melancholy gaiety-- or perhaps it was more of a gay melancholy. Now and then he yawned ecstatically, throwing his head back, tears coming into his eyes. He had the noble, craggy profile of a Roman orator of the great days. And he had his eye-- green and glassy-- on me. Finally he stood up and carrying a tankard half-full of beer, ...

... vmftLi 66 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay TOURING in Florida, a woman was admiring an Indian's necklace. i What are those things she asked. j A Alligator teeth, ma 'am, replied the Indian. AT Oh, I see. I suppose they have the same value for your people that pearls do for us. Not quite, he answered, gravely. Anybody can open an oyster. A POPULAR East End referee, asked to be M.C. at a ...

... SQU£aK Compiled by Jay Jay C*H E heard a man ascending the staircase in the block of hJ flats, and supposing it to be her husband, she opened the door, seised him by the scruff of the neck and knocked him about thoroughly. i_ When she stopped to get her breath, she cried aghast, X Good heavens you 're not my husband. You 're the man on the next floor I'm most dreadfully sorry. I e, and so you ...

... mm it 66 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay QUAKERS, as all the world knows, are gentle, calm folk. One awoke one night to find a burglar in the house. With a gun in his hand, the Quaker went into the room where the nocturnal visitor was looting. Friend, he said, I would not harm thee nor any man for the IrC world, but thou standest where I am about to shoot. The burglar fled. IT was his first day ...