... Bt/BB/JL ml SOME years ago the novelist, Louis Bromfield, was employed by Samuel Goldwyn. He was given a sumptuous office, a gorgeous secretary and was paid a fabulous salary. But he was given no work. For weeks he sat around, drawing his pay, but doing absolutely nothing. Finally, he became fed up with this life of luxury. Breathing fire, he barged into Goldwyn's office. 44 See here, Mr. ...

... BUBBLE SQUEAK Stories from Everywhere Two golfers were annoyed by a slow couple in front of them. At one hole there was a particularly long wait. One of the offending couple dawdled on the fairway, while his companion searched industriously in the rough. At length the waiting couple on the tee could contain their impatience no longer. Why don't you help your friend to find his ball? she ...

... C^ocLtailf to Port THE playwright, dining with the producer, was describing en thusiastically an idea for a play. He talked and talked. The producer went on eating his soup and finally, glancing at the playwright's untouched plate, said: You'd better eat your soup before your conversation gets cold. First Recruit 'Ere, Alf, I've lorst a lice Second Recruit Well, wot yer grutnblin' for Y'orta ...

... Stories from Everywhere PETERBOROUGH in the Daily Telegraph tells this story: A special constable was on duty in the City. Soon after the sirens went he noticed an incendiary bomb on the Bank of England. He rang the bell. A perfectly attired flunkey opened the door. The constable said Do you know that there is an incendiary on your roof I thank you, sir, replied the flunkey. Then, turning ...

... --r BUBBLE mJ SQu&^K- A MAN who had a delusion that he was a dog spent some long time in a mental hospital. At last the day came when he was discharged as cured. As he left the hospital, he ran into an old friend who expressed his pleasure at seeing him about again. 44 You 're looking absolutely in the pink, old man, the friend told him. 44 1 am in the pink, answered the late inmate. 44 ...

... By KAY HAMMOND-DAVIES. THERE was a commotion in Heaven. Did you remember the present tor that one? demanded the Chief Angel, as he leaned anxiously out to watch the perilous descent of the latest baby. He leaned out so far that he almost toppled over, and the Scapegrace Angel-- with his halo, as usual, set crooked on his head-- pulled him back only just in time. The other angels looked ...

... * By MARY WALKER I WAS not surprised when the Merrymays invited me to their castle. They so inevitably would have a castle. They belonged, the three of them, to the world's natural royalty. Their hair was the royal, red-gold colour; their eyes curiously flecked with green and tawny; they had pale, pointed, Elizabethan faces, and long, narrow hands and feet. When they came to live at the house ...

... * By KATE THOMPSON. YOU'VE got the prettiest feet I've ever seen! He said it quite simply, just fact-stating, without impertinence, and she looked down at her long, slim nylons and the narrow calf sulkies that cased her pretty feet. Yes, she said agreeably. Aren't they Then she looked back with gentle meditation at the berg of ice-cream floating round the soda- straw in her glass. She sat ...

... Stories From Everywhere ANY complaints? asked the orderly officer, entering the mess room. Yessir, replied Private Biggs. They've all got bigger dinners than me! Well, said the orderly officer, smiling, they're all bigger lads than you, aren't they? Yessir, Biggs agreed, an' alius will be at this rate. The lady of the house had seen a tough looking follower coming to the back door and ...

... B U B B L E AKD SQUEAK AN Irishman found a dog occupying the only vacant seat in the bus. He turned to the conductor and said: What is the country coming to, when a dog can have a seat but a human being cannot! The conductor told the owner to remove the dog, which he did. The Irishman, after he had occupied the seat, forgot all about the incident, and tried to be friendly with the owner of ...

... THE Scottish express thundered northwards through the night. Suddenly there was a grinding of brakes, and the train came to a standstill. Windows were dropped and in quiring faces appeared. The guard went down the length of the train, inquiring who had pulled the emergency chain. He came at length to a compartment where a dear old lady sat benignly. 1 hank you so much, she said, but you need ...

... SQuEAH A VERY small boy came dejectedly home from his first day at school. I'm not going to-morrow, he announced. 44 And why not challenged his mother. 44 Well, he replied, 44 1 can't read. I can't write. They won't let me talk. So what 's the use A MAN, very obviously in bad condition from the night before, stepped up tq a bar and muttered 44 Give give me something for a hang-over. 44 ...