... C^ocldai I A to Port TOMMY (age five): I can see no word on your face. Suitor Why, Tommy Tommy Because I heard my sister say, 'If any man had slow written on his face, it was you.' M.O. That's a terrible arm you've got, my man. How did you injure it Private Higgins Salutin' an officer while goin' through a revolvin' door, sir. Maiden Aunt Your young man is always late when he calls. I ...

... C^ocLtaiU to Port MAID: The master's locked up, mum. MISTRESS: Good. We can all go to bed. Maid But it was the police that 'phoned, mum. Officer How long did it take you to learn to drive a motor car Private Oh, three or four. Officer Weeks Private No, sir motor cars Hotel Clerk Bed and break fast, sir Guest No, supper and shelter, please. Pilot Drinking and love- making are the ...

... C^ocLtailf to Port THE playwright, dining with the producer, was describing en thusiastically an idea for a play. He talked and talked. The producer went on eating his soup and finally, glancing at the playwright's untouched plate, said: You'd better eat your soup before your conversation gets cold. First Recruit 'Ere, Alf, I've lorst a lice Second Recruit Well, wot yer grutnblin' for Y'orta ...