... CRICKET Even If Incapable Of Playing The Game Women Should, Felt Captain Whinburne, Make An Effort To Master The Rules By Ralph Arnold BUT do you realize, Carstairs Whinburne demanded, that practically all the officers on board this ship are married men? Of course, said the cynical Colonel. Only married men stand a chance in a ship-board flirtation. The technique, you know, is to tell ...

... BUBBLE SQUEAK Stories from Everywhere Taking a walk in Galway, a priest stopped to ask an Irish peasant how far it was to Corrofin. About half a mile down the road, Father. And God speed you! He walked a half mile, then another. Not until he had walked six miles did the priest arrive at Corrofin. When he returned in the late afternoon he met the same Irishman. What did you mean by telling ...

... YOUR husband says that when he is angry he always counts up to ten before he speaks, remarked one woman to another. 44 Yes, sighed the other, 44 1 do wish he '(1 stop it. Ever since this Government came in our home seems nothing but a class in arithmetic. 44 ET me some ballet dancers, ordered V_T Gregory Ratoff, the film director, after a frustrated morning shooting Woman of Desire. 44 ...

... BUBBLE SQUEAK Stories trom Everywhere The politician was very pleased with himself although, actually, he had very little reason to be. His self-satisfaction annoyed many of his friends, and one of them decided to take a rise out of him one day. Ah, hello! said the friend, slapping the M.P. on the back. I knew you when your name was unknown. Sir, came the reply, in dignified accents, ...

... BUBBLE SQUEAK Stories from Everywhere A nurse in New Guinea fell in love with an officer patient, and they planne; to wed the day he was released from the hospital. Not wishing to be marriej in her uniform, she got permission to wear a wedding gown. After tht ceremony the overwhelmed groom announced to all: Isn't she lovely? Thi is the first time I've ever seen her with a dress on! Isn't he ...

... I CAN make a new sports coat for you, agreed the overworked tailor, but it won't be ready for six months. Six months protested the customer. Why, the entire world was created in six days. True, said the tailor, and have you taken a good look at it lately A fugitive scientist from a Boris Karloff it horror picture dreamed up a serum that would bring inanimate objects to life. He ...

... BUBBLE SQUEAK Stories from Everywhere A couple were having a run in a car, when the girl espied some flowers growing in a field. Her swain got out and climbed a high fence to gather some for her. Suddenly the girl heard him call out to a farmer in the next field: Hey! Is this bull over here safe? Well, said the farmer, composedly, he's a darn sight safer than you are. I 'he two following ...

... B U B B L E AKD SQUEAK AN Irishman found a dog occupying the only vacant seat in the bus. He turned to the conductor and said: What is the country coming to, when a dog can have a seat but a human being cannot! The conductor told the owner to remove the dog, which he did. The Irishman, after he had occupied the seat, forgot all about the incident, and tried to be friendly with the owner of ...

... THE Scottish express thundered northwards through the night. Suddenly there was a grinding of brakes, and the train came to a standstill. Windows were dropped and in quiring faces appeared. The guard went down the length of the train, inquiring who had pulled the emergency chain. He came at length to a compartment where a dear old lady sat benignly. 1 hank you so much, she said, but you need ...

... A SHOPKEEPER was sent a telegram informing him that his ticket had won £100,000 in the Irish Sweepstakes. He happened to be at home nursing heart trouble, and his wife opened the telegram. Fearing that the sudden news might cause a fatal shock to her husband, she asked the family doctor to dinner and requested him to impart the good tidings with professional tact. After dinner, the doctor drew ...

... BUBBLE SQUEAK A commercial traveller decided suddenly that he would come home in the middle of the week instead of at the end. He sent a telegram to his wife and took the next train. On his arrival home he found his wife in the arms of another man. Furious, he left the house, took rooms at the local hotel, and announced that he would apply for a divorce. The next day his father-in-law called ...

... By SYBIL DOBIE. MRS. STANLEY-TOMPKINS (one must never forget the Stanley) was clearing away the remains of her frugal supper when the bell rang. Hastily she thrust the tray and her apron into the kitchen and shut the door. She gave a glance round her sitting- room, lit the gas-fire, turned on two more lights, pulled the photo graph of the late Rev. Ignatius Stanley-Tompkins into a more ...