... wmli &6 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay ON his way to California, a traveller noticed an Indian Brave lolling indolently on a station platform. With efficiency-expert technique the traveller said Chief, why don't you get yourself a job Why countered the Indian pleasantly. Well, said the other, slightly nettled, you get a job and pile up a bank account for yourself. Wouldn't you like that Why said ...

... MMLl 6dj -QU^AK II had bought a baby car, and the next week he drove it back to the showroom. I want all the wheels taken off, he -fa said, and replaced by four big ones. Then he added angrily I'm not going to have every beastly dachshund that passes barking through my windows. The town boy trying to make himself useful on the farm was asked to go and milk the cow. An hour afterwards, he ...

... fjolin and ddJeier by Douglas Edwards J-O-O-OHN! J-o-o-ohn! The shrill voice soared across the farmyard, past the incubating house, through the wood shed and the carpenter's shop and up the long, chalky hillside. Half-way up the hill was a wooden hut, supported on the lower side by stilts. It was nearly filled with bags of dredge- corn, bran and dried milk, and piles of empty sacks. On top ...

... B£/BB£E 66 SQu£AK rHE son and heir had, against the wishes of his parents, married a chorus girl. Just after the ceremony, in telling Jy a friend how to break the news to his -fy father and mother, he said Tell them first I 'm dead then gently work up to the climax. He was one of those bright youngsters who gathered scraps of general know ledge and loved to impress visitors by trotting them ...

... MB it 66 SquW THE manager had taken the afternoon off to watch a football match, and among the spectators he espied one of his office boys. ic So this is your uncle's funeral you were going to, he said angrily. Quickly the lad collected his wits. Looks like it, sir, he answered he 's the referee. The Parish Church Council had met to discuss the discovery of death-watch beetles in the ...

... WMlI I I 66 squwl 1 THE soldier returned to camp in a remarkably happy state after a short leave and was ordered to report to his captain. You 're a fool to drink like this, the officer lectured. If you could stay Ac sober you might become a corporal. In fact, you might even become a sergeant. Wouldn't you like that Sir, the soldier replied with dignity, when I get a few drinks in me I feel ...

... WMLl 66 squeak AFTER a very thorough examination, the Army doctor eyed the tall and extremely thin recruit in silence, ■jc Well, doctor, said the lanky one at -fa last, nervously, how do I stand Goodness knows, replied the M.O. It's a miracle A man who was passing a neighbouring shop heard such a terrific argument going on inside that he went in to investigate. He found only the proprietor. ...

... Bl/B Bn 66 SQUW CIGHTSEEING behind the Iron Curtain J a visitor noticed two oil-paintings. He inquired about the first, a portrait of a man, and was told it was a picture of the great Russian inventor Ivanov, who invented radar, wireless, artillery, rail- fc ways and X-rays, and so on. After -pr recovering from this, the visitor asked about the second portrait, which was con siderably bigger. ...

... BOTBtE 66 squeak HOW'S Myra's daughter getting on? asked a woman of her friend. You know, the one that got married? Oh, replied the other, I hear she 's Jc doing fine. She 's got a lovely flat, and -fa really beautiful furniture, a nice car, and quite wonderful clothes. The only thing is, she can't stand her husband. But there, you can't have everything, can you A university student called ...

... mm 66 squ£AK Compiled by Jay Jay WALKING with a native guide on the outskirts of Shanghai, a European found his passage barred by the passing of a long and solemn procession. Elaborately dressed and carrying many flags and banners bearing Chinese inscriptions, the marchers proceeded with grave mien down the winding street. A mournful chant, broken by the intermittent clanging of kettledrums, ...

... VUMLt squeak AFTER a lively evening with the boys he tottered home distinctly the worse for wear. Getting ready for bed, he noticed a red-nosed, sick-looking individual in the mirror. Get out I he shouted. Get out fc or I'll hit you at once with my umbrella! -fa There was no reply, so he raised the weapon and smashed the mirror into a thousand pieces. Sorry, old chap, sorry he apolo gised, but ...

... WWLl squeak I SEE, said the wife, looking up from her newspaper, that a man who can fc speak eight languages has just married a -fa woman who can speak four. H'm, remarked the husband, that seems to be about the right handicap. AT a foreign conference a pretty secretary complained bitterly that a foreign diplo mat had insulted her. Why didn't you slap his face, she was asked. That ...