... TWO Irishmen were sitting in a bar. They were arguing and getting nowhere. The more they argued, the more they drank and the more they drank, the more they argued. yL. Suddenly Pat said Mike, so help me, I see snakes, and one is crawling X right round your head. And he grabbed a beer bottle and hit Mike over the head with it. Mike shook his head and in a half-stupor said Hit it again, Pat. I ...

... s By William Emms RUBBISH! barked Pembleton, glaring at the little man who had suggested that bad memory runs in families. You could hardly say, he remarked, catching the eyes of such members as were within range, that absent-mindedness is a trait of my family, yet my nephew Clarence-- Clarence Pembleton, the author-- suffers acutely from this complaint. in fact, he gets so wrapped up in ...

... KINGS' PLAYGROUND The Story of the Gardens of Hampton Court Nineteen years before Wolsey took over the Manor of Hampton, the Wars of the Roses had ended on Bos worth Field and the Tudor Age had begun-- an age marked by a little more serenity than its frowning predecessor; one in which the King's friends busied themselves with con solidating their new positions, and built for themselves fine ...

... SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY Presenting The Edwardian Story Shaw Desmond, that ebullient Anglo- Irish writer who has set his fiction and has lived his life against a wide range of backgrounds, who in an adventurous career has sailed round the Horn, travelled 7,000 miles in Africa, worked in the Fleet Street of Lord Northcliffe, and contested an elec tion against the legendary John Burns, has ...

... f KATHLEEN FERRIER'S voice is better known today-- nearly two years after her untimely death-- than ever it was during her twelve brief years of song. V Why? When she died her record sales were small compared with those -A. of popular singers like Vera Lynn. But tipon her death newspapers *Y* front-paged her switchboard girl to concert singer story. _>k. Since then the bobsleigh of publicity ...

... By Bridget Chetwynd WELL outside the town, and only about half an hour's walk from our village, alone in the middle of waste land, was the old cemetery. It had not been used for more than half a century. No one went near it and weeds grew thick and tall. It had been much damaged by a load of bombs from a retreating aeroplane during the Blitz, but there had been no repairs. Mausoleums were ...

... By Richard Parker WHEN I was a small boy, we used to picnic on the downs above Dunstable. The place was called Whipsnade and it consisted of a church, a pub called The Chequers, which I confused for years with the Prime Minister's country retreat, a few small cottages and a vast stretch of empty downland. For some strange reason, my parents were unbearably proud of this emptiness as if they ...

... The Illustrated Sporting and Dramatic News FIRST PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 28. 1874 SPORT COUNTRY hhnd 2dRVcand lid. Vol. 195. No. 3842. APRIL I. 1953. PRICE 2/-. PUBLISHED FORTNIGHTLY w^'the Elsewhere Abroad 2Jd. New York Post Office. ...

... By T. A. LAYTON I. THERE once were some Grimsby fish magnates who had to assemble in London for a tycoonish talk. Expenses would not worry them for obvious reasons, and so they thought that the best way to conduct their negotiations was over a cracking 'good lunch--and what better could they have than a fish one? To this end {hey took a private room in a great and dignified restaurant and ...

... WMLl &6 SQUiVvK 4 tmtpilt'ti btf Ji JR. FORSYTHE was visibly distressed as he staggered L'l into the clubhouse, ft hat's the matter? asked the senior member sympathetically. I've just killed my wife, that's ivhat's the matter, said Mr. Forsythe. t Good heavens How did you do that? I was over on the practice tee and didn't see her coming up behind me. I took a back siving and hit her on ...

... msn 66 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay THE poor horse had been pulling a heavy load, and staggering with weariness he started up the slope. Git up, called the farmer with the reins. The unfor tunate animal tugged, lost its footing and went down on its knees. And there it stayed. The farmer cursed and j shouted, but eventually the horse lay on its side and A looked miserably over its shoulder at ...

... 66 -QU^AK THE travelling salesman suddenly entered the office of the big business executive without ceremony. The busi ness man sat up and said haughtily It fi is the invariable custom of this office to fir make an appointment with my secretary before seeing me, and I Oh, that 's all right, said the traveller, breezily. I 've tried to, but she 's all booked up. She was one of those rare ...