... wmli &6 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay ON his way to California, a traveller noticed an Indian Brave lolling indolently on a station platform. With efficiency-expert technique the traveller said Chief, why don't you get yourself a job Why countered the Indian pleasantly. Well, said the other, slightly nettled, you get a job and pile up a bank account for yourself. Wouldn't you like that Why said ...

... SQU£aK Compiled by Jay Jay C*H E heard a man ascending the staircase in the block of hJ flats, and supposing it to be her husband, she opened the door, seised him by the scruff of the neck and knocked him about thoroughly. i_ When she stopped to get her breath, she cried aghast, X Good heavens you 're not my husband. You 're the man on the next floor I'm most dreadfully sorry. I e, and so you ...

... SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY Presenting The Edwardian Story Shaw Desmond, that ebullient Anglo- Irish writer who has set his fiction and has lived his life against a wide range of backgrounds, who in an adventurous career has sailed round the Horn, travelled 7,000 miles in Africa, worked in the Fleet Street of Lord Northcliffe, and contested an elec tion against the legendary John Burns, has ...

... WULt SQuMK Compiled by Jay Jay DRAWING up a man's will, a lawyer paused and asked his client, You know, you 've named six of your biggest creditors as pall-bearers. Don't you think it would X be more fitting to have some closer friends for this service X No, just leave it that way, instructed the client. Those men have carried me this far and they might as well do it the rest of the way. AT ...

... KINGS' PLAYGROUND The Story of the Gardens of Hampton Court Nineteen years before Wolsey took over the Manor of Hampton, the Wars of the Roses had ended on Bos worth Field and the Tudor Age had begun-- an age marked by a little more serenity than its frowning predecessor; one in which the King's friends busied themselves with con solidating their new positions, and built for themselves fine ...

... mBii 66 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay THE psychiatrist's nurse entered the consulting-room in a hurry. Oh, doctor, she exclaimed, There 's a woman in the waiting-room whom you should see at once. Has she an appointment No, doctor, but there '11 be^no one left who has if you don't get rid of that ostrich. i Ostrich A Yes, doctor, she 's brought an ostrich with her and he' s scaring everybody to ...

... mtBLt 66 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay THE green young lieutenant was assigned to a new company. He was a very small and helpless-looking individual, and when he first appeared before his men there were many audible comments made about his apparent ineptness. From the rear of the ranks a voice said: And a little X child shall lead them. There was a roar of laughter. Seemingly undisturbed, the ...

... WWLt 16 SQUiEAK Compiled by Jay Jay HE had joined a golf club, but after trying hard to master the game for many weeks, decided that golf was not for him. JL He made this decision on a day when, after a particu- JL larly miserable session in a bunker, he broke the uncom- fortable silence by cheerily declaring to his caddy: Funny game, golf. To which the boy replied: T 'ain't meant to be. ...

... mwLi squeak Compiled by Jay Jay A LITTLE man with a drooping moustache dashed into SI an inn and said to the man behind the bar, A large ginger ale. He was looking so shaken that the landlord asked him what was the matter. I got home to-night to find a strange man kissing pT my wife! Well, what did you do asked the landlord. I picked up his umbrella and smashed it across my knee and said, ...

... mm LI 66 squw Compiled by Jay Jay TI/HILE on his beat a policeman came upon a small rf man knocking on a wall with a two-shilling piece. The constable watched for a while and then approached, asking, What are you doing there The man replied As you can see, I am knocking on this wall with a florin. I Oh, said the policeman, and what is your -JL. occupation My job, replied the man, still ...

... msn 66 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay THE poor horse had been pulling a heavy load, and staggering with weariness he started up the slope. Git up, called the farmer with the reins. The unfor tunate animal tugged, lost its footing and went down on its knees. And there it stayed. The farmer cursed and j shouted, but eventually the horse lay on its side and A looked miserably over its shoulder at ...

... vmBLt Squeak Compiled by Jay Jay A DOCTOR once told a foreign patient: The thing for you to do is to drink hot water an hour before breakfast every morning. After a week the man returned to the doctor's surgery. How are you feeling asked the medico. I feel worse than ever. Did you follow my instructions and drink hot water an hour before breakfast every morning asked the doctor. I did my ...