... A YOUNG woman, finding herself rather run down, consulted her doctor, who said: All that is wrong with you is that you are burning the candle at both ends. I know, said the sweet young thing, but it is the only way that I can make both ends meet. Before buying a house find out how the land lies, says a writer. And also the estate agent. ■k Mr. Boosy (inebriated) I-shay will you marry me ...

... C^ocLtaiU to Port MAID: The master's locked up, mum. MISTRESS: Good. We can all go to bed. Maid But it was the police that 'phoned, mum. Officer How long did it take you to learn to drive a motor car Private Oh, three or four. Officer Weeks Private No, sir motor cars Hotel Clerk Bed and break fast, sir Guest No, supper and shelter, please. Pilot Drinking and love- making are the ...

... it! COME TO |D Dorf I and stay at the SfluelaI fSPORTi IhotelI A. Gredig, Propr. The historical hotel in the centre of the hest Ski-ing district in Switzerland The Fluela stands a stone's I throw from the Parsenn line, I ...

... . By J. R. de HAVILLAND. I HAVE always bean a fisherman; that is, ever since I read The Compleat Angler, where Venator and Piscator foregather over a jug ot ale, and the milkmaids sing old-fashioned songs to Isaac and his pupil before breakfast. It may subserve the interests ot trutn it i say mai, until 1 met Clara my knowledge was purely theoretical and limited to what may be acquired from ...

... I CANNOT understand, said the young man, why you permit your daughter to sue me for breach of promise. You remember that you were bitterly opposed to our engagement because you said I wasn't good enough for her and would disgrace your family. That, young man, said the girl's father, was sentiment. This is business. Slum Visitor I'm afraid I shall be too busy to visit you next week, Mrs. ...

... . The season for fishing and fish stories is nearly ended for 1902, hence the appended narrative of remarkable tenacity of life on the part of Empire State black bass will be read with interest or incredulity One day last week Phillip Rutert and George G. JAirK, two anglers of Syracuse, went for a day's fishing, 'tis said, at Cross Lake. They were out on the lake early in the morning, and, ...

... PAT arrived home in a terrible state. His face was almost entirely hidden by bandages, his clothes were torn and dusty, and he walked with a decided limp. Goodness gracious exclaimed his wife, when she saw him, and phwat have ye been at now, Pat Pat groaned dismally. Oi've had me nose broken in three places, he replied. Well, said his wife, fiercely, perhaps that'll larn ye to keep out o' ...

... COLDS are caused by more than a hundred different kinds of microbe, says a doctor. The most common, of course, being the sort that opens and shuts the windows. The self-made man was giving a dinner party. Is this the best claret he pompously asked the butler, who was under notice. No, sir, but it's the best you've got Caller Who is the responsible man in this office Counter Clerk I don't knew ...

... . By NAT GOULD. SOME curious transactions took place in Victoria in the early seventies. Men were not over particular in those days, and had not learned the true meaning of the rights of owner ship of property-- if they considered they possessed any rights at all. Get money-- honestly if you can, but get it-- was a maxim much thought of, honesty, however, being at a dis count. Horse-stealing ...

... . By 6. G. I. THE fact is well known and appreciated in sporting circles that a pigeon turned hawk is always dangerous. If he assumes lo be well connected, and possesses advantages not usually found in Newgate, we must be careful to keep out of his way. What he likes best, because it pays best, is racing with a pigeon under his wing. A person of the type thus feebly indicated knows how to ...

... . By Ralph Wotherspoon. WE were sitting in the club-house after a hard day's golf, fighting our battles over and over again when Johnson said: Talking of golf-balls, chaps, do any of you remember that advertisement the Whizz-Bang people brought out about their Hearty Hopper One or two said yes the rest of us having for gotten it, Johnson proceeded to recall it. The gist of it was this, he ...

... THE PITFALLS 0# FICTION. A correspoxhent writes I wish you would ask Rapier to rend and explain the first two chapters of Disraeli's Sybil, which deal with the eve and the day of the Derby of 1857. In a vast and golden saloon that in its decorations would have become, and in its splendour would not have disgraced, Versailles in the days of the grand monarch were assembled many young ...