... . By Ralph Wotherspoon. WE were sitting in the club-house after a hard day's golf, fighting our battles over and over again when Johnson said: Talking of golf-balls, chaps, do any of you remember that advertisement the Whizz-Bang people brought out about their Hearty Hopper One or two said yes the rest of us having for gotten it, Johnson proceeded to recall it. The gist of it was this, he ...

... THE PITFALLS 0# FICTION. A correspoxhent writes I wish you would ask Rapier to rend and explain the first two chapters of Disraeli's Sybil, which deal with the eve and the day of the Derby of 1857. In a vast and golden saloon that in its decorations would have become, and in its splendour would not have disgraced, Versailles in the days of the grand monarch were assembled many young ...

... THE taxi was going very slowly and the passenger was in a hurry. I say, he shouted, can't you go any faster? Course I can, came the retort but I ain't allowed to leave the taxi. Personally I never stay out late at night. Why, don't late hours agree with you No, old boy, it's not the late hours that bother me so much as the excitement when I get home. You play golf, then No. I learnt ...

... . By Walter H. Holton. No picture of peaceful Broadland would be complete without a wherry. The graceful run of its lines and the huge high-peaked tan sail swinging well above the stocky, gaily painted mast, driving the squat, clean-cut bows with a hiss and a bubble along the shimmering reaches, make it one of the most picturesque craft in the world, while the brilliant splashes of colour ...

... C^ocLtailf to Port THE playwright, dining with the producer, was describing en thusiastically an idea for a play. He talked and talked. The producer went on eating his soup and finally, glancing at the playwright's untouched plate, said: You'd better eat your soup before your conversation gets cold. First Recruit 'Ere, Alf, I've lorst a lice Second Recruit Well, wot yer grutnblin' for Y'orta ...

... j-- HE was talking with some vigour against corporal punishment for boys which, he declared, never did any good. Take my own case, he exclaimed, I was caned but once in my life, and that was for speaking the truth. Well, retorted somebody in the audience, it cured you. Revised Give a heavyweight enough rope and he'll hang on it. Just what is one good thing about golf Well, it enables you ...

... C^ocldai I A to Port TOMMY (age five): I can see no word on your face. Suitor Why, Tommy Tommy Because I heard my sister say, 'If any man had slow written on his face, it was you.' M.O. That's a terrible arm you've got, my man. How did you injure it Private Higgins Salutin' an officer while goin' through a revolvin' door, sir. Maiden Aunt Your young man is always late when he calls. I ...

... THE DASH OF LARKSPUR. A STORY OF THE DERBY. B-! G. G. I. HAS mine a chance? repeated old Jake Creamley, in response to a question as to the prospects of his candidate for Epsom honours; well, you know we've all a chance while we are alive. And my horse-- he chuckled with delight-- is certainly alive. That reply seemed to be, at the best, evasive, if not enigmatical. Horses in the dead ...

... By The Shaker. THE motorist had engaged a new chauffeur, and, finding that he was a young and somewhat flighty person, he impressed upon him the neces sity for careful driving. As a general rule, the car owner said, you can leave adults to take care of themselves, but you must be very, very careful whenever you see children in the street. The chauffeur nodded his complete understanding. I ...

... A YOUNG woman, finding herself rather run down, consulted her doctor, who said: All that is wrong with you is that you are burning the candle at both ends. I know, said the sweet young thing, but it is the only way that I can make both ends meet. Before buying a house find out how the land lies, says a writer. And also the estate agent. ■k Mr. Boosy (inebriated) I-shay will you marry me ...

... C^ocLtaiU to Port MAID: The master's locked up, mum. MISTRESS: Good. We can all go to bed. Maid But it was the police that 'phoned, mum. Officer How long did it take you to learn to drive a motor car Private Oh, three or four. Officer Weeks Private No, sir motor cars Hotel Clerk Bed and break fast, sir Guest No, supper and shelter, please. Pilot Drinking and love- making are the ...

... it! COME TO |D Dorf I and stay at the SfluelaI fSPORTi IhotelI A. Gredig, Propr. The historical hotel in the centre of the hest Ski-ing district in Switzerland The Fluela stands a stone's I throw from the Parsenn line, I ...