... The clergyman of a country parish church was proceeding to proclaim the banns of marriage when he found he had forgotten the names of the couple and was unable to find the certificate. After repeating the first sentence, I publish the banns of marriage between several times the clerk, who was seated just under the reading desk, bawled out, Between the cushion and the seat, s 1 r N. Z. Warner, ...

... He was a young man a candidate for an agricultural constituency and he was sketching in glowing colours to an audience of rural voters the happy life the labourer would lead under an administration for the propagation of sweetness and light. We have not yet three acres and a cow, but it will come. Old-age pensions are still of the future, but they will come. Similarly every item of his compre ...

... A farmer of Duddingstone was standing at his gate. An Irish lad came up to him and requested to be employed. Go away, sir, said the farmer I will never employ any of your country again. Why asked the Irishman. Sure we are good workers. God bless you, do give me a job. No, sir, I won't, for the last Irishman I employed died on my hands and I was forced to bury him at my own expense. ...

... I thought your wife's name was Elizabeth So it is. Then why do you call her Short for Pegasy. What has that to do with it Why, Pegasa is feminine for Pegasus. Well W ell, Pegasus is an immortal steed. What of that Sh Not so loud. She's in the next room. You see an immortal steed is an everlasting nag, and there vou are.- -1. S. Williams, IS, Durham Road, Newport, Mon. ...

... One day Pat and his friend, Murphy, were walking a'ong a country road skirted by a wall built up with loose cobblestones put one on top of the other. They had not gone far when down came a portion of the wall on top of them. Have mercy upon us, cried Murphy. Shut up you fool, said Pat; haven't we got enough upon us --Arthur Livesey, 7, Newstead Road, Liverpool. ...

... First Prize of One Guinea, Cross Purposes In an American railway car sat an elderly dame with an anxious air about her. Conductor, she said, please let me know when we get to Poughkeepsie. By all means, ma'am, he said as he passed along. Again as he came her way she accosted hi n, Con ductor, you'll be sure and tell me when we get to Poughkeepsie and again he assured her that he would tell ...

... The mantle of Sydney Smith has fallen upon the. Rev. Thomas Smith, vicar of St. John the Baptist, Greenhill, Harrow. The church was consecrated last week by the Bishop of London. Hearing the bishop had received £100,000 from the City and South London Railway he thought he might get some of it when the bishop came to view the new church. The bishop, however, in formed him by letter he had ...

... On the ground floor of a certain East-end build ing is a public- house. On the first floor lived a son of Erin. On the second floor resided a son of Israel. Whenever the Jew feit thirsty he would lower a can by a piece of string down to the ground floor and the publican would extract 2d. which the Jew had placed there and fill the can with beer. As the Jew was hauling up his drink one day Pat ...

... An Irishman walked into a post office and inquired of one of the clerks if there was a letter for him. The clerk asked what the name was. This innocent and necessary question, strange to say, made the Irishman angry, for he answered, Why do you want to know my name Isn't it on the letter The clerk told him that he could not tell him if there were any letters for him till he knew the name. Upon ...