... VHjMlI 66 SQUEAK AN erratic lady driver ignored a red light At and hit a brand-new saloon amidships. Before the echo of the crash had died away -fa and the crowd had begun to gather, she was out of her car like a tornado. Why don't you keep your eyes open 1 she demanded. You 're the fourth car I 're hit this morning. The play was a dismal flop. The plot, what there was of it, appeared to ...

... wmli &6 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay THE telephone had rung, and the husband answered it. When he came back into the room he announced that he was going out. That fellow Smith across the road has just asked me if I can lend him a corkscrew. Well, replied his wife, you needn't go yourself. X Just send Mary across with it. A Her spouse turned upon her more in sorrow than in anger. My dear, he ...

... wm 66 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay SOME college students were studying entomology under a well-known naturalist. For a joke they caught a butterfly, a centipede, a grass hopper and a beetle. Using the grasshopper's legs, the beetle's head, the butterfly's wings and the centipede's body, they assembled an unusual- looking insect. i We caught him in the field, they announced. What variety of A ...

... mmvi 66 -squeak Compiled by Jay Jay A PLUMBER, working in a house, was talking to the householder while dealing with a leaking pipe. He was very proud of his daughter. i She's a clever girl, he said. She graduated from college last A year and now she 's got a job at ten pounds a week. That 's a pretty good salary for an educated person. ONE day a rabbit and a lion entered a restaurant and ...

... mm- squ£AK Compiled by Jay Jay SLOWLY the bookie counted out the pound notes into the old lady's wrinkled hands. Lady, he said. I just don't understand. However did you manage to pick the winner The old lady looked a little bewildered. i Really, she said, I don't know myself. I just stuck a pin in the X paper and well, there it was. The bookie took a deep breath. That's all very well, ...

... mm &6 squeak Compiled by Jay Jay DODGIN had recently been appointed foreman at the works, but his name was not known to all the men under him. One day, while on his rounds, he came across a couple of men sitting in a quiet corner having a smoke. t X Who are you asked one of the men, seeing the stranger. X I 'm Dodgin, the new foreman, he answered. So are we. Sit down and have a smoke, was ...

... vmBLt Squeak Compiled by Jay Jay A DOCTOR once told a foreign patient: The thing for you to do is to drink hot water an hour before breakfast every morning. After a week the man returned to the doctor's surgery. How are you feeling asked the medico. I feel worse than ever. Did you follow my instructions and drink hot water an hour before breakfast every morning asked the doctor. I did my ...

... BY HECTOR BOLITHO SOME MONTHS AGO I RECEIVED A circular letter from a school of journalism, with a name not quite my own on the envelope. The letter began: Dear Mr. Belitha; You too could become an author This set me thinking. When one is young, smarting under the vicious sting of ambition, one dreams of one's name in big print across a page, or in lights across the facade of a theatre. ...

... WMLl SQ\ JEAK l_l£ entered the chemist's shop and n asked for his favourite brand of hair cream. He was told it was out of fc stock, but was offered a substitute. -fa Is it as good as the brand I normally use he asked doubtfully. Well, replied the chemist, it's a kind of superior equivalent. oing the rounds of an office, the efficiency I y expert came across one that had more desks, ...

... wMLt squeak Compiled by Jay Jay A PARTY of clergymen were attending a Presbyterian conference in Scotland. Several of them set off to explore the district. Presently they came to a river spanned by a temporary bridge and, not observing the notice that the bridge was unsafe, they started to cross it. The bridge-keeper ran after them in protest. It s all right, declared A the spokesman, not ...

... WMLl 66 SQ\J£AK A MOTHER told her son of six How, John, I want you to put by all your pennies every week so that you can have a little baby brother or sister. He saved up his pocket money until one day at school a friend told him he had a little fa baby brother and sister at home. Gosh, said John, you must have had to save a lot of pennies The answer he got sent him tearing home. Mum, it 's ...

... WtB it 66 SQ\}BAY. BOASTING of his musical ability, he said When I was a boy our town was hit by a flood. My father hopped on to a bed and floated downstream to safety. But what, asked a listener, has that to do with your musical ability Well, explained the other, I accompanied him on the piano. WALKING along with a little boy was a very poor-looking mongrel dog. A passer-by stopped to pat ...